LIBERIA

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I'm broken and hurting!

I'm broken and hurting(well, I will be when I get the heating bill)!Why must we be "warm" in order to survive? This is tearing me apart. I've acclimated myself to the crisp cool fall weather, just to have William tell me when he got home from school that he thinks "it's time", time to turn up the thermostat and warm up this house. No need for anyone to worry about us. The heat is on! And I am crying (inside that is).This ridiculous need for heat! What is the world coming to?!? Even the butter was calling out to me for warmth. When I went to butter my bagel this morning the butter was solid and sad(we keep our butter out in a butter dish and it's always soft and ready to serve us, our butter is a special servant always willing and ready to spread).

Blue blood

The harsh reality sunk in when I looked at... the thermostat and realized why my blood is blue, it's freezing in this house. I might be considered a little "tight", but I think I've gone too far this time. I HATE turning on the heater in the winter and the cooler in the summer. It literally pains me. My stomach turns and I feel dizzy when I have to turn it one way or the other. I'd rather freeze than have a huge bill at the end of the month. But when I woke up this morning and saw that it was 56 degrees... I still didn't turn on the heater. It'll warm up I keep telling myself as I shiver and put on yet another layer.So, if you don't hear from me tomorrow... You might want to check on us. No I will turn it on when it gets too cold... But, what's too cold?

"Just breath"...

Why is this happening to me? I asked, but got no answer. This feeling taking over my every move. Trying to inhale but not able to get any air. I felt like a prisoner, and the cold hard reality was... I was suffocating. "Just breath" I told myself over and over again. But with every breath I took the reality that it won't just ago away became clear. What can I do? What should I do? All these questions were getting me nowhere. Yet there must be something. As I struggled to get my breath, to fill my lungs with air. I realized what must take place, it might be the only thing that would save my life... I must blow my nose and take some cold medicine. Yes I have a cold and don't feel very good today:(

Waking up

I woke this morning like every morning, wide awake and ready to take on the world. I love rising with the sun. I love waking up with the world. This morning was like every other one... or so I thought at first. What made this glorious morning different? Was it the crisp cool clean air, the quiet, the breath taking colors of the sky, the over all beauty of fall? This venerable morning, so lovely,so serene, so unraveled by the fierce unwholesome surroundings made by man! I can't help but smile when I swing out of bed. I always feel so energized. The things of this world are not yet brought to light in the early morning. Peace is still attainable at dawn. The world perceived at this moment in time I can't explain.
Yet, what was it? I still couldn't put my finger on it. But there was something different. I was filled with great surprise and wonder. The bewilderment vanished and it became crystal clear! What made this so clear? What could have made it come to light? It was... My stupid alarm clock! Yes, this was but a dream. I never wake up ready for the day. I wake up groggy and annoyed that I'm awake. So in reality this morning was indeed like every other,because I woke up.

The end of a perfect relationship...

My love, my love is gone and what can I do? I feel so alone. Will I ever have what I've dreamed of? Will this feeling of despair and regret ever go away? I did it. No one else is to blame for this tragedy but me. My motives were right, but it ended in disaster... my emotions were right what I did would be considered noble to some. Even though I did what I had to, my heart will never heal, the wounds I thought were healed have been re-opened too many times and I'm not sure if I can handle the pain again. I've tried to be strong I've tried so hard not to let everyone see my pain. But I cannot put on this strong face anymore.
Things have to change. I wanted to give up, I thought it would be in the best interest of everyone to just walk away, but walking away was harder than I imagined. When you finally think that it's all going great, when the sweet smell of love is in the air and one phone call ends it all. One call is all it took to tear my love apart. To say I'll never try again... I won't lie I felt like I couldn't move on, that I wouldn't move on. But, I will not allow this to keep me down. I will fix the problem and live to bake another day. So, if you missed out on the story my bread didn't turn out the way I was hoping. I had to pull it out early and the middle was a little doughy, it was still delicious even with the doughy middle. And I will bake bread and perfect it the next time, or the time after that, or the time after the time after that.

When others don't believe in me...

In the past I may or may not have had a few not so successful attempts at baking bread, which has lead to a disbelief in my abilities to bake bread without a doughy middle (that's what "tends" to happen to my bread). When I announced this morning that I decided to take another shot at this art I am trying to master. The response I got wasn't exactly what I was hoping for... This is what I got...
'I'm going to make bread today' (Me, with excitement), "Well... good luck with that, don't you remember what happened that last 5 times you made bread?... It didn't turn out!"( William, not so excited). Not only am I going to make perfectly baked delicious homemade bread, I'm not going to allow those who have shown no faith in my abilities (or lack of thus far) to enjoy in the amazingly warm scrumptious delight that will not only smell and look amazing it will also be baked through and through;)